September 9 marked 8 months of cancer treatment, and on September 10 I was in the Adirondack mountains with my sweetheart, and my beloved. I always feel closer to God, to myself, to the truth, to what is important, in those mountains. The clear air, and the incredible beauty, restores my perspective and realigns my mind, body and spirit. my sweet spot... The rock I am perched on in the photo, is my sweet spot. When I go to a peaceful place in meditation, to feel closer to the divine, this is the place I visualize. I make the climb each year during our time at Big Moose. I didn't think I would physically be able to get up the hill this year, and it took a great deal of effort. But sitting up there, taking in the view, made me realize that the climb up was a perfect analogy for the journey I have been on. strength, determination and faith... Each person's journey through cancer is intentionally a unique body, mind and spiritual experience. But one thing is the same, the journey is hard. It takes you to the edge, and strips you of all you think you know, forever changing you. It takes incredible strength, determination and faith, and when I ran out, you gave me more. You filled me up with your cards, emails, flowers, text messages, phone calls and visits. Thank you for holding me all these months. Thank you for listening to my fears and my tears, and thank you for believing in my capacity to take on this journey. moving back into my body... People ask me now, "Are you done? Is it over?" and I'm not quite sure what to say. If you have gone through your own cancer journey you understand it is never really over. After 4 months of chemo, 2 surgeries, and 6 weeks of radiation I finally feel like I am moving back into my body. Unfortunately my prognosis carries with it a higher risk of reoccurrence than we hoped for. I am doing everything I can to mitigate that risk and I want to acknowledge some of the healers that are an integral part of my recovery. Sarah Costonis, Shura Gat, Vladimir Bobcoff, Andrea Leonard, you showered me with love and grace, and I will forever be grateful to you for helping my mind, body and spirit team unite in healing. feel more like myself... During treatment a friend asked me what I was most looking forward to getting back to. My answer was my practice, taking walks, being able to be in my body again. It is so great to feel like I want to take a morning walk, or get on my mat to start my day. I feel my energy returning, my creative juices flowing, and I am starting to feel more like myself! returning, remembering, reflecting I feel like I am returning after a long battle, remembering what occurred, and reflecting on who I am now, and what is most important to me as I step into the next chapter. The path I have found through the yoga practice, and my work with the chakras, inspired me through some of the toughest terrain. I am so grateful that God has shown me the way back to myself and this inspiring work. offering grace... As I said before, we never know what God will put in our path, but whatever it is, may we find a way to offer ourselves, and each other grace. The grace of compassion and support, strength and resiliency, loving vibes and faith to take us to the other side, no matter the outcome of this chapter in the story of our evolution.
“I have brought you nothing but blessings” are the words from the Guru that guide me through difficult situations and the life challenges I face. If I can understand what I am meant to learn, it seems that I move through the challenge more quickly and get to a stronger place on the other side. This feels true whether it is a physical challenge or an emotional struggle. These words are a real comfort to me and I am grateful for the guidance and grace of the Guru.
Yesterday was Mother’s Day and my intention for the the yoga class I led was to offer an opportunity to be acknowledged by the universe for all the nurturing energy we give as mothers, caregivers, spouses, teachers, and spiritual brothers and sisters. This came straight from my heart, and from my own wrestling with the limitations of my capacity to wear several nurturing hats at the same time.
Being a caregiver to a parent is a great honor, a high calling, and a opportunity to inquire into what the Guru said, “I have brought you nothing but blessings” because it is also a great challenge. In the magical space after class, when my heart was so open and I felt so connected to the guidance from my Guru, I got thinking about what nurturing means, and what opportunity being a care giver has given me to learn.
No matter the situation, care giving can be a great challenge. It requires selflessness. It demands your time and energy and pulls you away from other priorities. It can create resentment, anxiety, and tremendous stress on yourself and your other relationships that are important to you. It can create judgment and strain in friendships and other intimate relationships because it is hard for friends to understand your choices. It creates a constant push and pull about where you should be, where you want to be, what you should be doing and what you wish you could do.
As I feel the charge of all this effecting my energy systems and my emotions today, I keep being pulled back to that word, “nurturing” and something I heard the Kirtan artist Wah! say about why Kirtan artists perform. She said, “We immerse ourselves in this energy because we need it, not because there is some service to be done to humanity.” It’s no coincidence what resonates with us. I needed to hear that, “because we need it.” I need the nurturing energy so I am being immersed in it. As I nurture and care for my mother, the universe is reaching out to hold and care for me, I just need to allow myself to feel that. I need to allow myself to feel the acknowledgement from the universe and the time to replenish by immersing myself in its healing energy and the amazing grace.
I am making an intention to honor the guidance I received. I am going to try to relax and surrender into this time and stop pushing myself so hard. I am going to be present where I am, doing whatever it is I am being asked to do. I am going to pull back from any extra commitments I have made and reevaluate my direction and what is really important to me. Part of this means that I will be postponing the Chakra Immersion at Light on the Hill in June. I will update you on the new date for that retreat along with exciting new projects I am working on including a Chakra Yoga Teacher Training, a Chakra Energetics weekend experience, and an exciting reveal of a very unique Chakra experience this fall.
I am a very private person and don’t easily share my personal struggles, because I don’t want others to feel they have to take care of me - which is interesting isn’t it? I hope that sharing my intimate thoughts and the guidance I receive will offer support to others struggling with similar situations. Thank you for your love and continued support. I feel so grateful to be part of this community that nurtures growth and honors acknowledgment of the spirit.
Om Namah Sivaya
I honor all we are capable of becoming
Updated: Apr 8, 2019
To be inspired means to be in spirit, to be open to receiving the guidance and stream of knowledge, love and support from above. Spirit, Consciousness, God, Angels, Guides are constantly sending us ideas and insights, asking us to be in spirit, to stay connected to our source. Why do we work so hard to pull away from our unending source of love and light? Why do we insist on living in a depleted energetic state, believing that we are on our own, when all we have to do is say" yes" and believe? "Yes" to receiving that stream of love and guidance for this journey we have undertaken.
How many times a day do you receive and idea or an inspiration? They say we average 50,000 to 70,000 thoughts per day - that’s 35-48 per minute by each person. Is our monkey mind blocking our ability to connect and receive? How many messages of inspiration are you consciously aware of? How many are blocked by believing you’re not worthy, not special enough, not smart enough, not capable of making what we might imagine happen for us? Those are just limiting beliefs, getting in the way of us realizing our full potential! What matters is if we are able to be open and consciously aware of the stream of love and inspiration we are receiving, and then find the tools to help us thrive in flow.
Spirit, consciousness, God, Angels, Guides are guiding our every step. This may be hard to believe when we are facing the challenging times. It’s hard to believe, because we cannot remember the WE SIGNED UP FOR THIS and our soul is courageous enough to grow through whatever challenges we might face. It is all for your growth, as I hear my Guru remind me often, “I have sent you nothing but blessings”.
It is all, By the Grace of the Guru. One of my inspirations in the past few days was to start a blog with that title By the Grace of the Guru in order to share my moments In Spirit, and ideas that reflect the guidance I am blessed to receive from my Guru, Swami Sivananda. You can also see images related to these posts on my Instagram page melindamadhurimatzell. Leave me a comment if you like, let me know what resonates with you.
Om Namah Sivaya
In honor of all we are capable of becoming